


And Let Life Tow.

by w_x_2



Series: Pain turns to Gain [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 21:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_x_2/pseuds/w_x_2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You don’t fucking beat the shit out of people to get your point across, you fucking talk. And you know it might just be that you can’t make it better, but you explain it, you don’t make it worst, you don’t make somebody think they gotta hate themselves for who they are,” <i>and who they like</i>. Set after 3x09.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Let Life Tow.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, no harm is intended and no profit is made.  
> A/N: After 3.09 I wanted to make it better, this is what came out. Spoilers for 3.08, 3.09 and possibly 3.10. Title from the poem 'The Shatters of Hope' by Ernesto Torres.

Ian doesn’t open up when Lip finds him curled up in bed shaking, to be honest he doesn’t even turn around, he doesn’t do it then and he doesn’t do in the days that go past. Lip has tried to ask him in all sorts of ways what happened but he won’t budge.

And really, it’s in the way that he won’t say anything at all that makes Lip know that this has Mickey written all over it.

It’s Mandy who answers when he knocks on the Milkovich house, and yeah, he found out about that too, and he’s not here to talk with her, but this way he can kill two birds with one stone.

He doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus, so the first thing he asks is, “Are your dad and brothers in?” because this conversation doesn’t need an audience.

“What?” Mandy asks, one side of her mouth arching up in confusion.

“Your dad, your brothers, are they here?”

“What the fuck does that matter, no, only Mickey,” she answers as she holds onto the door, unsure whether or not to let him in or step out.

“Awesome,” Lip says and that sorts out what she should do as he walks in squeezing past her so he doesn’t shoulder her. Lip walks right across to the room he know is Mickey’s, and calls his name.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Mandy asks as she shuts the door with her foot and walks after Lip at the same time that, “Fuck off,” comes from inside the room.

“You better be dressed,” Lip says before he opens the door.

“The fuck do you want Gallagher?” Mickey shouts from where he’s laying in bed, arm over his face.

When Lip speaks his voice is harsh, but he makes sure that it doesn’t break. “You have until tomorrow,” he doesn’t explain what he puts the deadline on because even though Mickey doesn’t know that Lip knows about him and Ian, he’ll know what he means soon enough. “This is how you do it,” Lip emphasizes and turns to Mandy. “You ran Karen over.”

“You were fucking her again,” Mandy shrugs like it's enough of an explanation.

“And because of that you ran her over? Do you hear yourself?” Lip asks, hands flying everywhere at the incredulity of it. “Do you know how much shit you could be into if she doesn’t pull through? What the fuck were you thinking?” Mickey is sitting up in his bed by this point, Lip knows because he’s not stupid enough to keep his back to the guy so he has moved so he can still keep an eye on him.

“After all that we talked about leaving this shithole she calls me up to tell me about how the two of you have been fucking behind my back,” Mandy says and she’s not happy, her face conveys her anger, and her hurt.

“You were trying to control everything around me, and I am not fucking alright with that. We were supposed to be fucking not playing house, so yeah I was fucking her when she got back.” He sees Mickey getting up but Mandy looks at him and her look must say something along the lines of ‘don’t’ because he stays put.

Lip goes over to her, “I am sorry I was doing it with Karen, but I wasn’t ready for this,” he says pointing between them, “to be something real, and lasting. I meant what I said though, I am very, very thankful that you applied to college for me, but fuck sake’s Mandy, at least talk to me or some shit.”

Mandy stands with her arms crossed in front of her and she looks taken aback. “How many fucking times did I mention the college applications to you?”

“You know I can be stubborn, next time just make me listen more often, because the other day you did and I realized that yeah, I fucking want to get out of here and take you with me, so I went to her and told her we were over.” Lip takes a step closer to Mandy and continues, “I’m sorry, and saying ‘I like you’ isn’t enough.” He kisses her very briefly and waits for her to smile, but then he turns to the Milkovich brother. “You fucking sort it out,” his voice is a bit croaky, but it doesn’t matter, he just keeps going, “because as much as I want to have a future I will fucking risk going to prison because of killing you if you don’t.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mickey says too quickly. “And did you just fucking threaten me?” He asks moving closer, and this time even the look that Mandy gives him isn’t enough to stop him.

Lip stands his ground though. “You know what I’m talking about,” he says with certainty. “And that wasn’t a threat, that was the truth,” Lip says simply.

Mickey clenches his fists as he gets nearer. “You want an ass kicking too?” Mickey threatens but his voice sounds pained to Lip.

“You don’t fucking beat the shit out of people to get your point across, you fucking talk. And you know it might just be that you can’t make it better, but you explain it, you don’t make it worst, you don’t make somebody think they gotta hate themselves for who they are.” He wants to say ‘and who they like’ but he doesn’t because he knows that Mandy has no clue that her brother is gay or that he's been fucking Ian. “ And now I’m going to go, because as much I know beating the shit out of you isn’t going to do anything as physical pain is nothing to you and it won’t sort this shit out, I still want to because you are a fucking prick,” he thinks about stopping but then he doesn’t, “and also, you know what? I never thought I’d say this about a Milkovich.” He might get docked, but he’s so angry he can feel the beat of his heart all the way in his head where the blood is pumping through so fast. “But you are a fucking coward too.” Lip briefly touches Mandy’s arm on the way out, because he knows he’s overstayed his welcome and Mickey has no qualms about beating the shit out of him and he doesn’t exactly need that.

Mandy doesn’t quite know whether to follow Lip or not, but then she looks over to Mickey and he looks green and yeah, she’s staying, because it’s obvious that Mickey has seriously done something wrong.

“What the fuck was that about?” Mandy asks.

“None of your fucking business,” Mickey says turning around.

He’s shutting his door when Mandy put a hand against it, stopping him. “He said he was gonna kill you if you didn’t sort it out, so what the fuck do you need to sort out? What have you done?”

“Piss off, Mandy,” Mickey warns as he tries to close the door.

“Oh no, you ain’t getting rid of me that fucking easy,” Mandy shouts as she puts more force into opening the door fully. “What did you do? Am I gonna have to start guessing or are you going to fucking tell me?”

Mickey lets go of the door, and rubs his face but he doesn’t answer.

“Lip wouldn’t kill just for anyone, so which Gallagher did you hurt?” She doesn’t wait long at all for an answer. “It’s only Ian that you kinda speak to so it’s gotta be him. What did you do Mick?”

“Shut up, Mandy,” his voice is small but Mandy doesn’t let it go.

“His face has bruises again, did you beat him up?” And Mickey doesn’t answer, so it’s as good an admission. “What the fuck did you beat him up for?”

“He was fucking asking for it,” is the first thing that Mickey says, and his voice is still low as he rubs his neck.

“What, because he’s gay? You fucking gay bashed him?” Mandy accuses because she knows that there is no way that Ian would just ‘ask for it’ which means Mickey must have somehow found out. “I never thought you were like the fucking rest of our fucked up family you fucking asshole.” And she hits him across the face, and he doesn’t even stand his ground just lets the force of it make him stagger back.

Mickey laughs, chuckles in a defeated manner, wiping blood away from his lip.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” But he doesn’t answer so she gets closer to him and shakes him, fingers digging into his arms.

“I’m not a homophobe,” Mickey whispers.

“What the fuck did Ian do then because you can’t actually tell me that this is Ian’s fault!”

“It kind of is, we’re Milvokiches, we’re not supposed to-” and he stops there as he stands back up, he feels like he’s already said too much.

“Not supposed to what?” Mandy prompts.

“Other people are supposed to be afraid of us,” he says angrily.

“You beat him up because he’s not afraid of you? Are you fu-” Mandy stops and takes a step back when she sees Mickey’s eyes water.

Mickey turns around, away from her.

“Mickey,” she breathes his name as she slowly places her hand on his back.

“Piss off,” he says as he shrugs to stop the physical contact she has on him with her hand.

She stays there looking at his back, rooted to the spot, waiting for him to do anything. Turn around, say something, kick her out. But he doesn’t, and she doesn’t know what to think, she’s never seen her brother like this. He is always so strong, such a solid rock that neither nothing nor nobody can tear down, and yet this seems to have come out of nowhere.

There’s no shaking and no sniffling to indicate that he’s letting his tears run, so she’s not quite sure that he’s crying but there’s something obviously bothering him and as much as she wants to know she calmly waits for him to do it in his own time.

When he finally turns around, fists still clenched by his side, his cheeks look red, but there are no tear tracks, and no signs that he has been crying so it’s clear that he hadn’t just been gaining courage to speak to her but also taking the needed time to pull himself together. “Dad almost killed me,” Mickey reveals, gulping and not looking at her, his head isn’t down but he’s looking at the wall. “And if I don’t marry this woman he’ll actually do it this time around. And I want to stay alive.”

Mandy wants to ask what this has to do with him beating Ian up but she still waits in silence with an open expression of encouragement on her face in case he decides to look up.

“And Ian can’t seem to get that through his head.”

Mandy can’t help but think since when does Mickey call Ian by his first name but she quickly focuses back on Mickey because he’s still talking.

“So yeah, I beat him up, for his own fucking good,” and his voice is harsh even in its own quietness.

“Mickey, what aren’t you telling me?” Mandy's confused, she can’t quite see the connection with Mickey jumping from topic to topic as he is, it's all just one big mess that makes no sense.

“He’s so fucking loyal, why hasn’t he told you?” Mickey asks, distress in his tone.

And then it clicks.

“Because he loves you,” Mandy replies as she reaches for Mickey, hand grasping his chin so she can look him in the eyes as she says it.

Mickey’s eyes widen in response and he tries to move away but Mandy holds on to him firmly.

“You need to go and talk to him,” Mandy says with a sure tone in her voice. “What you did was not ok, but you are going to go over and you are going to fix it because you haven’t broken just one heart, you’ve broken two.”

Mickey closes his eyes, and this time a tear slips down his face. Mandy wipes it away and hugs him tight for a moment.

“I will never forgive you if you make me have to stop Lip from killing you,” Mandy says as she lets go.

 

* * *

 

There are a few places that Mickey can look for Ian, but in the end he goes where his feet take him and he ends up at the Gallagher house. He goes to the back so that he’s not seen, he doesn’t need this to get back to his dad. He doesn’t quite have the nerve to knock on the door, so he places his hand against it, placing the least amount of strength into it to see if it’ll budge open.

When it does open just the slightest he flinches back, and almost swears but he stops himself, after all the reason why he was doing it so slow is because he doesn’t want to get caught by any of the Gallaghers either. But he knows he’s not walking away without seeing Ian either. So he takes a deep breath, and then another, and inches the door open with a finger. Fucking Gallaghers need to learn to lock doors.

He does it oh so slowly, makes sure to stay away from the range of vision of the door in order to check that the coast is clear. He breathes a sigh of relief because it is, so he slinks his way inside and makes it up the stairs, heart frantically beating as he hears Fiona talking. She’s taking some pauses, but no one is answering her so it’s obvious that she is on the phone.

He sneaks into Ian’s room, thankful to see that he is there, but not happy at all to see the position he is in. Mickey closes and locks the door behind him, and walks up to the bed.

Ian is curled up on the bed, making himself as small as possible and clearly sleeping. Ian has his back to Mickey so he leans over to look at his face and he can see the bruises he put on Ian’s face and also the frown and pain there even though he is asleep. Mickey put that there too.

Mickey stands over Ian for what feels like hours but is probably only a handful of minutes before he makes up his mind, takes off his jacket and his shoes, and gets on the bed behind Gallagher. When he puts an arm around the other boy he can feel Ian momentarily relaxing, and then the change in his breath as he wakes up followed by the tension in his body.

Ian makes a noise at the back of his throat and Mickey holds him tighter, bring his chest and Ian’s back closer together.

“I’m sorry,” Mickey says, and it’s a whisper, but he means it with all his heart.

There’s no answer from Ian. He doesn’t move from his position, his body is still tense and he doesn’t say anything, and this time it doesn’t just feel like a long moment, it definitely is.

Mickey’s afraid that if he does say anything or if he moves a muscle just the slightest bit, Gallagher is going to kick him out of his bed and his house without giving Mickey the chance to make peace with him. That he'll kick him out of his life for good. Mickey can’t tell exactly but he’s pretty sure that an hour passes by with them in the quiet without anything happening. No acceptance, no rejection, just nothing.

When something does finally happen it’s someone trying to come into the room, and then the question of why the door is locked. There’s a quick conversation between whoever is outside before two sets of feet move away.

“What do you want?” Ian finally asks, his voice is raspy, maybe unused.

Mickey thinks about what he’s going to say, because this is going to matter, he can’t hurt Ian anymore, not because there’s the threat that Lip would kill him, he’s certain he deserves it. But because he can’t bear seeing Ian like this anymore.

His voice is once more a whisper when he finally speaks, but he makes sure it is understandable. “I would like to be able to tell you what you want to hear, I really, really want to. But I can’t.” He keeps his voice steady, otherwise it’s going to break and he’s not going to be able to get his point across. “I can’t because if I do then we are going to turn reckless like I did, allowing you to stay at the house, getting caught by my dad. Sure we’ll try to be more secretive, but we’re going to get caught. And this time he’s not even going to think twice, he’s just going to kill both me, and you. And you don’t deserve that, you deserve to be alive, to have a good life and be happy and I can’t give you that.”

Ian has stretched his legs, but his muscles are still tense, however he still hasn’t displaced Mickey’s arm from around his waist.

“I _can’t,_ ” Mickey enunciates. “I know you want to think I can, but your brother’s right. I am a coward and I can’t turn away from this marriage because he will kill me.” Mickey takes a small pause, but not big enough to allow Ian to speak his mind. “You are going to go and follow your dreams and you are going to leave me behind because even though it hurts like hell it will stop hurting and you’ll enjoy your life like you are supposed to.” He is pretty much finished, but there’s one last word that he can’t stop himself from saying. “Please.” And that has to be enough because he’s about to break and he still needs to get out of here.

He squeezes Ian for a moment and then takes back his arm and moves to stand up. Ian grabs him like Mickey was hoping that he wouldn’t and pulls him back.

“You hurt me so fucking much,” Ian murmurs as he hugs Mickey, chin resting against Mickey’s shoulder.

“You have to let me go,” Mickey says, and this time his voice isn’t a whisper, it’s level and it’s pleading and he turns his face so that he can catch Ian off guard and kiss him. He closes his eyes because there are tears threatening to slip out again but he doesn’t let it go any further than lips against lips. And fuck he should have done this more, because it’s so wonderful. But he hasn’t, and it helps because it’s just enough to stun Ian so that Mickey can grab his jacket and shoes before he unlocks the room and bolts out the door, not caring that everybody seems to be around the dinner table and able to see and recognize him. He shuts the Gallagher’s house door behind him, and along with it, everything he feels for Ian, locked away and pushed so, so very deep he’ll never be able to dig it out.

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel: ["Molding a New Future"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2118840/chapters/4622937)


End file.
